shims, wanks and darth maul
by mass-destruction
Summary: rated for slash and immatureness. pissed myself writin it though. its about everyone's favourite toad, TOAD! and his adventures.
1. uh, intro and the title and a warning......

this is a trilogy written by me and my best friend.  
  
it started off really random and became what is now known as 'shims, wanks and darth maul'.  
  
whats it got to do with x-men: evolution? it stars todd, in his own little fantasy world. its weird but hey, its us.  
  
Warning: Super Shim, Wonder Woman and Toad Maul are all our original characters, so don't rip them off. Oh and thanks to Mr Ong, God, Spiderman, Superman, the sheep, random circus animals and Boof for making guest appearances. May the clan of the duck and the lost penguins of the moores be with you.  
  
  
  
Shims,  
  
Wanks  
  
and  
  
Darth Maul  
  
a trilogy of random incoherrentness by Meagz and Beas 


	2. heros

Heros  
  
Mr Ong has a nipple ring. Mr Ong lives under the stairs. Mr Ong has a greasy ponytail. Once day we went out to be bums, and we walked past the park. Standing under a bridge was God, and to our surprise he beckoned us to him, told us we were his children and gave us a magic bean. Mine was penk! Then God vanished and we were left in the park, now standing infront of a huge hole, so naturally, we jumped in…  
  
"Fuck!" I yelled.  
  
It was freezing cold! Then I remembered that I CANT SWIM!!!  
  
"Help! Help! Im drowing!" I screamed hysterically.  
  
But no-one saved me. Then I stood up and realised that the water was only up to my knees.  
  
"Oh… crap!"  
  
Like duh! Anyway, we got out, feeling stupid, when suddenly a voice yelled out  
  
"Hey, pig fuckers, do you mind if I call you pig fuckers?"  
  
"Fuck you chode sucker!"  
  
Well, that was a mistake. When we turned around, we saw… Oh No! It was… THE SHIM!!! Oh-oh, we were screwed! We ran and ran and then we thought.  
  
"OMG. Hello, this is a shim. Tell it that trees are blue."  
  
"But trees arnt blue!"  
  
"I know, it'll get confused and we can run away, quick, it's close!"  
  
"Okay… TREES ARE BLUE!!!"  
  
"Huh?" replied the shim. "Wot?"  
  
"Ahhh fuck, it's a dumb shim! I kill you! Die! Die shim die!" I screamed.  
  
"No, wait! That's… SUPER SHIM!" yelled this fat… thing… that had just appeared out of no-where.  
  
"Who the fuck are you?"  
  
"I'm… WONDER WANKER!" announced the fat… thing.  
  
A Xena warcrying figure jumped down out of the trees, holding a double ended shiny red lightsabre.  
  
"I'm Darth Maul!"  
  
"No you're not, you're Toad from the Xmen, with your face painted to look like Darth Maul!"  
  
"NO! IM DARTH MAUL! I AM NOT TOAD FROM THE XMEN DAMMNIT WONDER WANKER! IM GONNA KILL YOU AND SUPER SHIM WITH MY DOUBLE ENDED SHINY RED LIGHTSABRE!!! DIE!!!"  
  
"Noooooooooooooooo I wont die, not here and not today!"  
  
"Fine then. Screw you, I'm going home. Punce!"  
  
Then from behind I saw a flash of light, I turned around and yelled out "Die!" and the fight began. I fought for evil, he fought for good, I killed him and he screamed like a shim! Now evil rules the world, I rule the world and you will all die. BEWARE!!! 


	3. return of the shim

RETURN OF THE SHIM!  
  
"The future is upon us, the past is behind us and the present, well, we all like presents so wot are you complaining about, huh? Wot? You pissed your pants? You're kidding - Jeebus Crist - get a fucking nappy!"  
  
"I'm not a little kid anymore! I'm fifteen years old! Stop treating me like dirt!"  
  
"You are dirt!"  
  
"Fuck you! Im not taking anymore of your crap, okay? FUCK YOU! Im outta here!"  
  
"Good No-one thought it would end like this, not like this!!!"  
  
"I hate you, you always upset me. Its not my fault that I am a goat farmer!"  
  
I couldn't take it. First the soiled nappies, now goat farmers!  
  
"I'm going!" I jumped off the boat, into the icey water below. And then… they followed me. I couldn't get rid of them! Unless…  
  
I ran, knowing my plan would work I ran into the paddock and saw… sheep. The sheep were 'baaaa'ing, calling my 'followers' home. Everyone who was following me went to the sheep and began to 'baaa' too. I left, knowing that they were going to ie. They didn't know that the sheep was actually a bomb, and with one click… BAMB! They were all blown to pieces by the sheep bomb. They were…. dead! The explosion blasted me through the roof of a circus tent.  
  
In the circus tent, there was a seal, three lions, two elephants, ten little chinese men and a never ending story. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Super Shim and Wonder Wanker appeared, out of nowhere!  
  
"Ha, you little shit! You thought Darth Maul would get rid of us? Well ha, you're wrong! We're alive!" said Super Shim.  
  
"No you're not pick fucker, do you mind if I call you pig fucker? You arent alive you're just slow diers coz you're so slow and stupid… oh, and… trees are blue!"  
  
Super Shim just stood there and stared dumbly at me. I gave… it…. a wedgie.  
  
"That'll teach you, you fat, dyky shim!" giggled Darth Maul/Toad.  
  
"Hold on. Did you just… giggle? Are you a fag???"  
  
"No I'm not you stupid shim. I might wear makeup and enjoy manicures, but that doesn't make me a fag… totally… does one little kiss make me a fag???"  
  
"Yes! Oh GOD im talking to a fag! Ew ew ew! Kill it!"  
  
"But it was only ONE kiss! And he enjoyed it as much as I did… ooopsies… I didn't just say that out loud did I? Oh shit… okay… IM NOT A FAG!"  
  
"Yes you are. You're a fag. I am not a shim, but you're a fag!"  
  
"You are a shim. You are Super Shim. Die Super Shim Die!"  
  
And with that, 'Toad' killed the Super Shim, killed… it… until it was dead!  
  
"Oh god… you… you killed it!"  
  
"NO! Im a murderer! Noooooo! I can't handle the guilt! Im gay too! A gay killer! I need a beer!" 


	4. soiled nappies: the final flingoff

SOILED NAPPIES: THE FINL FLINGOFF  
  
Super Shim was dead. Darth Maul/Toad was a fag, and Wonder Wanker was… well, Wonder Wanker was a wanker.  
  
Wonder Wanker sat dismally on the river bank, squelching unhappily in his nappy. Why did Super Shim have to die? Why did that fag Toad/Darth Maul kill shim? It wasn't fair!  
  
"Yes, it was, Shim called me a fag, I have feelings you know!"  
  
"No you don't, you're a fag... hehe, do you fancy Mel Gibson, eh? Haha!"  
  
"Screw you, you fat ugly pig fucking shim!" Toad began to cry hysterically. "You're so mean! Just because Im a fag it doesn't mean you can treat me this way!"  
  
"Oh shut up you crybaby fag! Eat shit!" yelled Wonder Wanker, taking off shis soiled nappy and hurling it at Toad.  
  
"Dodge it, Toad Maul!"  
  
Toad Maul dodged the flying nappy of shit, spat dramatically on the ground and then, as though from nowhere came a blast and out popper… Spiderman!!!  
  
Spiderman said "Do to others… whatever the hell you want to do!"  
  
"Ugh, how patriotic!" whined Wonder Wanker.  
  
"Does this mean that I can fuck you Spiderman???" Toad asked hopefully.  
  
Spiderman looked at the shit-covered frog-type thingy in disgust.  
  
"No, I'm not a fag! You cant fuck me!"  
  
"I'll fuck you Toad!"  
  
"Eww, no, you're a shim! I'm bi-sexual not it-sexual you dirty fuck, hmm…. fuck… Im going to my gay group for a fuck, can you take over Spiderman???"  
  
"Eww, Im not taking over a fag's job!"  
  
"Ugh, fine! Lets all pick on the gay guy!" sobbed Toad, crying (again).  
  
"OKAY!!!"  
  
Suddenly, a fight broke out. Soiled nappies, Shim shit and spiderwebs were flying everywhere.  
  
Then 'Boof' walked around the corner. The shim was in love, and so was Boof.  
  
Wonder Wanker and Boof kissed.  
  
Boof ate a nappy.  
  
Spiderman threw up.  
  
The shim and Boof kissed again.  
  
Spiderman fainted and I was left to say the world from Wonder Wanker the shim… me alone…  
  
"Oh fuck! Spiderman! Wake up!"  
  
But he didn't.  
  
"Oh god, he's… dead! Now you all have to die! Im gonna blow wotever crap that's still in you out of you! And it wont be pretty!"  
  
With one mighty punch from me, Wonder Wanker was on the ground screaming for Boof. But Boof waddled away, talking about an ice-cream under a seat. So I old Wonder Wanker to kiss shis ass goodbye. It did.  
  
Then I told it for the last time…  
  
"TREES ARE BLUE!"  
  
It sat still for a while, writhed around and then looked confused, farted and died.  
  
THE WORLD WAS SAFE!  
  
THE END 


End file.
